The beauties of relaxation

My stay with the family Dorfmüller in Mainz was completely charming. Sara and I headed out bright and early one Saturday morning to visit a family that was very familiar to the Cuhls. The mother of the family, Andrea, went to primary school with Anke. With Sara and Anke's combined descriptions of Andrea an her family, I was very excited to see what would meet us at the end of our trains rout. The father, Hans, is a very relaxed lover of life. He often wore button down shirts, raggedly unbuttoned. Barefeet. A glass of red lazily decorated his left hand. With his white hair, receding hair line, I wouldn't say he was handsome. But he does display a ragged joy that I enjoy seeing in the people I color my life with. We talked about sail boats and jazz, cooking and drinking all the while.
Their two daughters were a very precious mix of their parents. The elder, Henrietta had just finished Gymnasium and was merrily accustoming herself to freedom. The younger, Anna was still in full throttle of her Gymnasium years with two left. Both were very sweet. Anna showed a lot of her fathers energy and Henrietta was fully in admiration of her mother's European style of life.
Andrea was a total sweetheart, very practical yet loving. I could easily 'figure her out'. She had great love for her family, and politely told me that she is VERY European and loves her European ways. She opened her house and family completely to me and it was a beautiful experience to meet such a lovely and warm family. I've met so many this trip, it's hard to say which was the greatest, so I'll briefly state that one must have certain comfortability with themselves and life style to show and have hospitality, and I greatly appreciate it when people are able to show this.
The town of Mainz is wonderful. It greatly reminded me of Washington DC. A fairly large 'town' describes it with the dignity it calls for. The town is built around, not through the beautiful trees and numerous Roman ruins. Mainz bears comfortable class. There's nothing in the town that is calling for one to act stuck up, merely a call to enjoy. With the 5th largest university in Germany situated gently in Mainz, the area glows. The first thing Henrietta, Sara and I went to visit was the Guttenburg Museum. Fixed in the center of old town, the pedestrian center of Mainz, the Museum finds itself surrounded by many young people. The Market was in full bloom this lovely Saturday morning.
In the Guttenburg I became astonished by learning more and more how the printed word affected History. One learns that the real interest of literate people throughout the ages has been philosophy. What I loved most about the museum was seeing the gorgeous hand decorated artwork on the pages. Seeing the progression of the printing press to what we have now, with simple three second printers was incredible. Those who aren't in the area of printing wouldn't normally see printing as an art, but it truly is. What people print is the knowledge that they want to share with the rest of the world. It's the piece of themselves that they think important enough to share with others, and that venerability, in my eyes is beautiful. Although, coming from the girl who's in love with writing, that makes sense. l

Beethoven's Immortal Beloved Letters*

For anyone who's never read them...

The Letters

July 6, in the morning
      My angel, my all, my very self - Only a few words today and at that with pencil (with yours) - Not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely determined upon - what a useless waste of time - Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks - can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine - Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be - Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I - My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager - and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties - Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life - If our hearts were always close together, I would have none of these. My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all - Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be  Your faithful LUDWIG 

Evening, Monday, July 6
      You are suffering, my dearest creature - only now have I learned that letters must be posted very early in the morning on Mondays to Thursdays - the only days on which the mail-coach goes from here to K. - You are suffering - Ah, wherever I am, there you are also - I will arrange it with you and me that I can live with you. What a life!!! thus!!! without you - pursued by the goodness of mankind hither and thither - which I as little want to deserve as I deserve it - Humility of man towards man - it pains me - and when I consider myself in relation to the universe, what am I and what is He - whom we call the greatest - and yet - herein lies the divine in man - I weep when I reflect that you will probably not receive the first report from me until Saturday - Much as you love me - I love you more - But do not ever conceal yourself from me - good night - As I am taking the baths I must go to bed - Oh God - so near! so far! Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as the vault of heaven? 

Good morning, on July 7
      Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I nedd a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a clam consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

To the Gods of the Keys:

I play the piano.
Ich spiele die Klavier sehr gern.
I learned a few days after I arrived that in Bonn was Ludvig Von Beethoven's birth house which had been restored into a museum and memorial of his life. The first chance I got, I went to see it.
The house was set to look like it did at Beethoven's birth year, 1770. Since his family was not wealthy, their house was not the biggest marvel. The house wasn't the biggest either but nevertheless, the Beethoven family only rented 3 rooms on the bottom floor. Creeky wooden floors were layed about, the celing low and the walls bare. I learned a lot about the man's musical career and his philosophy, which I examined with intensive curiosity. His dad started pushing Beethoven almost immediately after he was able to push a piano key. Beethoven's dad was pushing him to become 'The Next Mozart', since Mozart had been the first real child prodigy, the fad was spreading across Europe, in the eyes of the parents moreso than the kids. However, with Beethoven there was incredible success. He began performing publicly at the age of seven. Beethoven never had an accurate estimation of his age since his dad lied to him and the Cour Band Organist saying Beethoven was 10 instead of 11 so he could obtain his desired position of Lead Organist.  At the age of 16 his mother died, causing his father to drop Beethoven and his own life copmletely only to retire to alcohol.
His incredibly successful career started booming very early in his life and very soon became his entire life. In a letter he wrote that "I believe music is much more than a few notes, I believe music is related to man's greatest good, justice." He was never a devoutly religious man, yet he carried around an Egyptian saying with him wherever he went, "I am all that is, was and ever shall be. And all of these owe their existance to this one." I could tell in every translated latter from this man that he was the passion he found in his music. He was a becoming work of art and he was aware of it. He loved his work, his ethical background and himself with all the passion that he held. Quite the Roark, minus the disdain of society.
When I found myself stairing at a bust of a beautiful woman, I wondered for the first time if Beethoven was ever in love. He was never married but... I listened to the english translation of the tour and started hearing about how he made best friends with a student of his. He was 30, she was 17. "Oh, Lord..." I thought.. Evidence seems to show that their relationship never got to be more than a student-teacher basis. But when my headphones started playing the most gorgeous sounds I've ever heard to me, and the narration said that Beethoven composed Sonata No. 14, more commonly known as The Moonlight Sonata, I couldn't help but tear up with the satisfaction of knowing that Beethoven had indeed been in love. That song came from nothing but love. I play that song, and it's my favorite at the moment.. the beauty and passion that come from the sounds of those keys is incredible. I stood at that bust for quite some time, soaking up the passion of the moment...
The second touching thing that shook at Beethoven's Haus was a copy of his infamous letter, My Immortal Beloved. I had never read them before..and while I was standing in the midst of Ludwig's favorite piano, in his birth house.. I shivered. I read them through and through, sit down, listened to the music, and mused.

Thank God for the Catholics

The Clown Encounter

Typical Karneval

Lent starts on Ash Wednesday. From the Thursday before this up until Tuesday is known (in my part of Germany) as Karneval. When American's think of Carevals they think of big rides, popcorn, cotton candy and clowns. This Carnevals isn't TOO far off. The biggest differences are the alcoholic content and the age group that Karneval caters to.  Karneval in Köln, Germany is six days that everyone dresses up (mostly as clowns), dance, drink and have a complete festival in the streets.  Each day has a theme...The one that sticks to me is Thursday "Woman's Day".  That day it is typical for women to walk around with scissors in their hands. Why? To cut off their "ties" to men, of course! It is typical for guys' ties to be cut right off by a female stranger this day. That's not a joke;)

I have the idea that most of this is centralized around Köln, which is the San Fransisco of Germany. I saw countless adults that weekend dressed up in every kind of self-sacrificing get up imaginable. I respect this six day wacko binge drinking festival mainly because of it's target audience. THE ADULTS. We have conventions such as Halloween and Marti Gras that attempt to Karneval's grandeur, but they already have the overshadowing turn off of being known for being reckless teenagers and young adults excuse to get drunk and silly looking. In Karneval, teenagers are embraced by their...usually straight edged, moderate parents who look like a pair of roller coaster junkies, I love it. Hooray for adults kissing life on the lips.

Burg Wewelsburg!

I didn't take that big o a part in the Köln Karneval scene because that weekend was also a camp with the Cuhls' church called Wewelsurbg. By now I'd made pretty good friends with these two twins, Janet and Vanessa, who both were going and practically begged me to join. So I did!

On the way over I had an interesting conversation with a new friend, Lucas, on the love of Obama that I did not have. A thing I LOVE about Germans is that they are so straight forward. I kid you not, in my first week here I was asked three times by three different people if I believed in God. None of them had known me for more than like a day either. As most Americans would shrug off these direct questions, I vividly embrace them-a chance to actually know what this person thinks? Why the hell would I turn that down? I love it.

"Worship"

 

I definitely put up quite the show at Wewelsburg. his camp included kick ass food and six hours per day of worship. Singing, dancing, to the band that's in front of you on a huge stage. I LOVED it. The music was great and definitely got something inside of me going. I cried the first service when the band was playing a really intense song, these kind with tunes that grasp your emotions by the throat, and every one's singing and swaying and I couldn't take it all. It was too much passion. Tears of joy are always a good reminder. So cry I did. Happily. 

I made a good few friends that weekend. I made quite the mistake as well. While talking to this nice boy he told me he came from 'Irashne' or something like that. So we were talking about politicians and how everyone, like my president, was mad at his president about the nuclear energy and we started talking about if I liked Obama, which I had a stiff 'no' in reply. I asked him if he liked his. He threw his hands in the air a little and had a vibrant "NO. I hate him! He's a horrible leader and man." Yeah, sometimes that happens with politicians, we agreed. What's his name, I wondered. When I got Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for an answer, I sat back trying not to face this boy who was laughing finally, because I realized my mistake. This boy from 'Irashen' was from IRAN, and I had just asked who his president was and IF HE LIKED HIM. Doesn't get much worse than that. Thank goodness this Iranian has a good sense of humor and we just laughed it off. Tipp! If someones tels you where their from and their accent clouds it up, ask again for God's sake.   

Thoughts

Three days after I met my new brother Ben, he asked me a question that made me... take to him a lot more plesantly than I might have otherwise. While climbing to the Draconfelts, out of no particular conversation he goes.. "Is there something in the world that you don't understand? Anything... around you, in you, in other people, that you just don't know, and want to know?"
I was surprised by this, but grateful...

"Yeah," I started... "I don't understand why people live life for other's expectations. I don't know why people live so unhappily, thinking that they are restricted by so many things, but really they only are being held back by themselves."
"It's all fear I guess, isn't it?" 

The thought slipped through his lips.

*******

" 'What is it they fear? What is it they hate so much, those who love to crawl? And why?'

'When I find the answer to that,' Dominique relpied 'I'll make my peace with the world.' "

(An excert from The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand)

Why the American Economy Sucks

Köln Dom

I had gotten pretty comfortable with the schedule I had built around myself. As a beautiful author once wrote, "Given enough time, one can get used to anything." I've seen this materialize around myself quite vividly lately. My first excursion out was in my second weekend. Sara (my 24 year old 'sister' who teaches 4th grade at her mother's school) had to go out to Köln with her oldest brother to pick out a tux for his wedding which is taking place in April. Since Köln is a huge town and one of the countries cultural centers, I decided to go along for the day. Sara and I went on the train (the first time I had been on a two story train..WOW!!! No, not really) and we found ourselves in the Köln main train station right outside of the Köln Cathedral, which also is only a few steps away from the longest shopping street in all of Deutschland. 

I have never really been into shopping but I was soon to discover that that was clear BS. I've never enjoyed shopping more than that day, nor bought so many things THAT I LIKED in such a short amount of time! I can never find anything in Montana that suits my strange hippie clothing ways, so I never shop. I didn't even go back to school shopping this year because I knew it wouldn't be worth it. Shopping in California even sucks for me most days. But here in Köln, I strolled to shop after shop and eventually I was in heaven. 

I strolled around the Köln Cathedral, having my breath slowly pulled away from me by the intricate beauty of the church. I stood under the stained glass windows admiring the colors, the pictures, the effort, the passion. Stood awestruck in front of the biggest organ I had ever seen. Thought with my dead back, eyes trying to find the high high ceiling, of how how the architects built churches ceilings and doors so huge in order to make the intruder realize that the power of God is bigger than they'll ever be. 

I only cried a little when I left the exquisite building to find a homeless fellow and his dog huddled together with a little sing reading 'Danke Gott'. 

At the end of the day I was walking around in new boots (carrying them was out of the question), with about 12 different bags trying with all their effort to pull my arm out of it's socket.

I met Sara at a Starbucks (I was then only beginning to realize how obsessed Germans are with Starbucks and McDonalds), and we ate a lovely dinner at Christopher's flat with his fiance Bekki. 

Some people say it's cause of all the Christian couples around me, but I've met SO many married and YOUNG couples! I think I've met about 4 under 30 that are married, and as they keep appearing I am getting semi-confused at all this young hitching. But who knows, perhaps it IS the Christian aspect of them all...

That night was also my very sad attempt to go clubbing. My excitement grew and grew as I sat in a nice house throwing down a few, while these boys around me sipped their mixed drinks, fixed their gelled hair, watching Germany's Superstar Search and staring at a full bottle of vodka. I was a bit confused as I slowly came to the affirmation that Livingston knows how to party better than the Germans. 

We skedaddled off to the club and I walked in with a boys arm draped around me, hoping they wouldn't card me, a little 17 year old with still one more year to go, if I was 'with' an older looking feller.

Fail.

My happy things instead of clubbing. ha ha ha...

They carded both of us and I waited with my new friends for Sara to drive around the block to pick me up.
The sad affair was concluded with me sitting in my lonely room with a lonely glass of wine and The Fountainhead. I sipped, read and danced on occasion by myself. If you know me, you'll know I was still in Heaven:)

"Yours is the first face that I saw. Think I was blind before I met you. Don't know where I am, don't know where I've been but I know where I want to go."

Brace yourself, Deutschland..

When I arrived in Frankfurt I was about 500 different kinds of confused. I thought I lost my iPod for about ten minutes and anyone who's been through this almost life shattering experience knows the feeling. I was shaken up about my iPod, couldn't find the train station, wanted a shower, told my mom I'd call her and couldn't find a p phone and I was so very MORE confused after the beautiful airport worker told me my bags were probably with the Superbowl still in Dallas. I almost felt ill. I eventually found the train, and baggless, I slept.

I live about 5 miles away from Bonn, in the Dorf of Königswinter.

                     

A little, highly energetic and smiling Korean man, Jimmy met me at the train station and we drove to the school where I first met Anka. As I was introduced to her that first day, my only thought was 'WOW I've never met anyone who looks more like a 1st grade teacher.' Her short hair curled in with bangs that lazily swept across her forehead. She sported a tailored little suit with a pink collar sticking through and a pink scarf tied in a bow right under her chin. And of course, on the edge of her nose perched glasses. I still get a kick out of seeing her everyday because she is just SO CUTE. Even more now that I know her. Now I know that sparkle in her eye is pure love and that the pink or blue scarf is always there because she's always cold! She met me with a long motherly hug and a huge smile. With that I already felt comfortable in her presence, which was a treat, since I had been searching for comfort ever since I left my home in Montana two weeks ago. 

little one*

In my jet lagged and confused state of mind, I met Sara and the rest of the school. I was assigned to watch over the 'trouble makers' and I sat next to this little one who refused to do her work. She had huge dark brown hair, but much bigger dark brown eyes. Something that slightly resembed pen was next to her nose, playing over rosey rosey cheeks. Her eyes caught my attention first and I just had to smile. Of course she pretended to write while Frau Cuhls was looking, but apart from that she glanced curiously up at me. I pointed at her paper in an attempt to tell her to work but she merely gained a silly half grin and continued to smile, straight up at me. At the end of the day without a word being said between us she took me by the hand, led me up to the English corner of the board and pointed at 'I'm very glad to meet you, have a nice day' and smiled expectantly up at me once more. As confused and still half asleep that I was, she pulled me out of it. I hugged her a goodbye and went to my new home with a smile quitely situated in the back of my head.

us.

Anke told me that the little one I had been watching over 'is a little German girl and she knows it. She laughs when she wants, works when she wants and basically does what she wants.' Only last week she ran out of the school building screaming 'ICH HASSE SCHULE!!!!' at the top of her lungs until the ex-pro soccer playing P.E. teacher caught up with her. For those who know me you'll understand why I fell in love with the 7 year old who runs out of school because she hates it. :)

*Title from The First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes  (the band. haha)