The beauties of relaxation

My stay with the family Dorfmüller in Mainz was completely charming. Sara and I headed out bright and early one Saturday morning to visit a family that was very familiar to the Cuhls. The mother of the family, Andrea, went to primary school with Anke. With Sara and Anke's combined descriptions of Andrea an her family, I was very excited to see what would meet us at the end of our trains rout. The father, Hans, is a very relaxed lover of life. He often wore button down shirts, raggedly unbuttoned. Barefeet. A glass of red lazily decorated his left hand. With his white hair, receding hair line, I wouldn't say he was handsome. But he does display a ragged joy that I enjoy seeing in the people I color my life with. We talked about sail boats and jazz, cooking and drinking all the while.
Their two daughters were a very precious mix of their parents. The elder, Henrietta had just finished Gymnasium and was merrily accustoming herself to freedom. The younger, Anna was still in full throttle of her Gymnasium years with two left. Both were very sweet. Anna showed a lot of her fathers energy and Henrietta was fully in admiration of her mother's European style of life.
Andrea was a total sweetheart, very practical yet loving. I could easily 'figure her out'. She had great love for her family, and politely told me that she is VERY European and loves her European ways. She opened her house and family completely to me and it was a beautiful experience to meet such a lovely and warm family. I've met so many this trip, it's hard to say which was the greatest, so I'll briefly state that one must have certain comfortability with themselves and life style to show and have hospitality, and I greatly appreciate it when people are able to show this.
The town of Mainz is wonderful. It greatly reminded me of Washington DC. A fairly large 'town' describes it with the dignity it calls for. The town is built around, not through the beautiful trees and numerous Roman ruins. Mainz bears comfortable class. There's nothing in the town that is calling for one to act stuck up, merely a call to enjoy. With the 5th largest university in Germany situated gently in Mainz, the area glows. The first thing Henrietta, Sara and I went to visit was the Guttenburg Museum. Fixed in the center of old town, the pedestrian center of Mainz, the Museum finds itself surrounded by many young people. The Market was in full bloom this lovely Saturday morning.
In the Guttenburg I became astonished by learning more and more how the printed word affected History. One learns that the real interest of literate people throughout the ages has been philosophy. What I loved most about the museum was seeing the gorgeous hand decorated artwork on the pages. Seeing the progression of the printing press to what we have now, with simple three second printers was incredible. Those who aren't in the area of printing wouldn't normally see printing as an art, but it truly is. What people print is the knowledge that they want to share with the rest of the world. It's the piece of themselves that they think important enough to share with others, and that venerability, in my eyes is beautiful. Although, coming from the girl who's in love with writing, that makes sense. l

Beethoven's Immortal Beloved Letters*

For anyone who's never read them...

The Letters

July 6, in the morning
      My angel, my all, my very self - Only a few words today and at that with pencil (with yours) - Not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely determined upon - what a useless waste of time - Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks - can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine - Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be - Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I - My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager - and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties - Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life - If our hearts were always close together, I would have none of these. My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all - Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be  Your faithful LUDWIG 

Evening, Monday, July 6
      You are suffering, my dearest creature - only now have I learned that letters must be posted very early in the morning on Mondays to Thursdays - the only days on which the mail-coach goes from here to K. - You are suffering - Ah, wherever I am, there you are also - I will arrange it with you and me that I can live with you. What a life!!! thus!!! without you - pursued by the goodness of mankind hither and thither - which I as little want to deserve as I deserve it - Humility of man towards man - it pains me - and when I consider myself in relation to the universe, what am I and what is He - whom we call the greatest - and yet - herein lies the divine in man - I weep when I reflect that you will probably not receive the first report from me until Saturday - Much as you love me - I love you more - But do not ever conceal yourself from me - good night - As I am taking the baths I must go to bed - Oh God - so near! so far! Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as the vault of heaven? 

Good morning, on July 7
      Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I nedd a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a clam consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

To the Gods of the Keys:

I play the piano.
Ich spiele die Klavier sehr gern.
I learned a few days after I arrived that in Bonn was Ludvig Von Beethoven's birth house which had been restored into a museum and memorial of his life. The first chance I got, I went to see it.
The house was set to look like it did at Beethoven's birth year, 1770. Since his family was not wealthy, their house was not the biggest marvel. The house wasn't the biggest either but nevertheless, the Beethoven family only rented 3 rooms on the bottom floor. Creeky wooden floors were layed about, the celing low and the walls bare. I learned a lot about the man's musical career and his philosophy, which I examined with intensive curiosity. His dad started pushing Beethoven almost immediately after he was able to push a piano key. Beethoven's dad was pushing him to become 'The Next Mozart', since Mozart had been the first real child prodigy, the fad was spreading across Europe, in the eyes of the parents moreso than the kids. However, with Beethoven there was incredible success. He began performing publicly at the age of seven. Beethoven never had an accurate estimation of his age since his dad lied to him and the Cour Band Organist saying Beethoven was 10 instead of 11 so he could obtain his desired position of Lead Organist.  At the age of 16 his mother died, causing his father to drop Beethoven and his own life copmletely only to retire to alcohol.
His incredibly successful career started booming very early in his life and very soon became his entire life. In a letter he wrote that "I believe music is much more than a few notes, I believe music is related to man's greatest good, justice." He was never a devoutly religious man, yet he carried around an Egyptian saying with him wherever he went, "I am all that is, was and ever shall be. And all of these owe their existance to this one." I could tell in every translated latter from this man that he was the passion he found in his music. He was a becoming work of art and he was aware of it. He loved his work, his ethical background and himself with all the passion that he held. Quite the Roark, minus the disdain of society.
When I found myself stairing at a bust of a beautiful woman, I wondered for the first time if Beethoven was ever in love. He was never married but... I listened to the english translation of the tour and started hearing about how he made best friends with a student of his. He was 30, she was 17. "Oh, Lord..." I thought.. Evidence seems to show that their relationship never got to be more than a student-teacher basis. But when my headphones started playing the most gorgeous sounds I've ever heard to me, and the narration said that Beethoven composed Sonata No. 14, more commonly known as The Moonlight Sonata, I couldn't help but tear up with the satisfaction of knowing that Beethoven had indeed been in love. That song came from nothing but love. I play that song, and it's my favorite at the moment.. the beauty and passion that come from the sounds of those keys is incredible. I stood at that bust for quite some time, soaking up the passion of the moment...
The second touching thing that shook at Beethoven's Haus was a copy of his infamous letter, My Immortal Beloved. I had never read them before..and while I was standing in the midst of Ludwig's favorite piano, in his birth house.. I shivered. I read them through and through, sit down, listened to the music, and mused.

Thank God for the Catholics

The Clown Encounter

Typical Karneval

Lent starts on Ash Wednesday. From the Thursday before this up until Tuesday is known (in my part of Germany) as Karneval. When American's think of Carevals they think of big rides, popcorn, cotton candy and clowns. This Carnevals isn't TOO far off. The biggest differences are the alcoholic content and the age group that Karneval caters to.  Karneval in Köln, Germany is six days that everyone dresses up (mostly as clowns), dance, drink and have a complete festival in the streets.  Each day has a theme...The one that sticks to me is Thursday "Woman's Day".  That day it is typical for women to walk around with scissors in their hands. Why? To cut off their "ties" to men, of course! It is typical for guys' ties to be cut right off by a female stranger this day. That's not a joke;)

I have the idea that most of this is centralized around Köln, which is the San Fransisco of Germany. I saw countless adults that weekend dressed up in every kind of self-sacrificing get up imaginable. I respect this six day wacko binge drinking festival mainly because of it's target audience. THE ADULTS. We have conventions such as Halloween and Marti Gras that attempt to Karneval's grandeur, but they already have the overshadowing turn off of being known for being reckless teenagers and young adults excuse to get drunk and silly looking. In Karneval, teenagers are embraced by their...usually straight edged, moderate parents who look like a pair of roller coaster junkies, I love it. Hooray for adults kissing life on the lips.

Burg Wewelsburg!

I didn't take that big o a part in the Köln Karneval scene because that weekend was also a camp with the Cuhls' church called Wewelsurbg. By now I'd made pretty good friends with these two twins, Janet and Vanessa, who both were going and practically begged me to join. So I did!

On the way over I had an interesting conversation with a new friend, Lucas, on the love of Obama that I did not have. A thing I LOVE about Germans is that they are so straight forward. I kid you not, in my first week here I was asked three times by three different people if I believed in God. None of them had known me for more than like a day either. As most Americans would shrug off these direct questions, I vividly embrace them-a chance to actually know what this person thinks? Why the hell would I turn that down? I love it.

"Worship"

 

I definitely put up quite the show at Wewelsburg. his camp included kick ass food and six hours per day of worship. Singing, dancing, to the band that's in front of you on a huge stage. I LOVED it. The music was great and definitely got something inside of me going. I cried the first service when the band was playing a really intense song, these kind with tunes that grasp your emotions by the throat, and every one's singing and swaying and I couldn't take it all. It was too much passion. Tears of joy are always a good reminder. So cry I did. Happily. 

I made a good few friends that weekend. I made quite the mistake as well. While talking to this nice boy he told me he came from 'Irashne' or something like that. So we were talking about politicians and how everyone, like my president, was mad at his president about the nuclear energy and we started talking about if I liked Obama, which I had a stiff 'no' in reply. I asked him if he liked his. He threw his hands in the air a little and had a vibrant "NO. I hate him! He's a horrible leader and man." Yeah, sometimes that happens with politicians, we agreed. What's his name, I wondered. When I got Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for an answer, I sat back trying not to face this boy who was laughing finally, because I realized my mistake. This boy from 'Irashen' was from IRAN, and I had just asked who his president was and IF HE LIKED HIM. Doesn't get much worse than that. Thank goodness this Iranian has a good sense of humor and we just laughed it off. Tipp! If someones tels you where their from and their accent clouds it up, ask again for God's sake.   

Thoughts

Three days after I met my new brother Ben, he asked me a question that made me... take to him a lot more plesantly than I might have otherwise. While climbing to the Draconfelts, out of no particular conversation he goes.. "Is there something in the world that you don't understand? Anything... around you, in you, in other people, that you just don't know, and want to know?"
I was surprised by this, but grateful...

"Yeah," I started... "I don't understand why people live life for other's expectations. I don't know why people live so unhappily, thinking that they are restricted by so many things, but really they only are being held back by themselves."
"It's all fear I guess, isn't it?" 

The thought slipped through his lips.

*******

" 'What is it they fear? What is it they hate so much, those who love to crawl? And why?'

'When I find the answer to that,' Dominique relpied 'I'll make my peace with the world.' "

(An excert from The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand)

Why the American Economy Sucks

Köln Dom

I had gotten pretty comfortable with the schedule I had built around myself. As a beautiful author once wrote, "Given enough time, one can get used to anything." I've seen this materialize around myself quite vividly lately. My first excursion out was in my second weekend. Sara (my 24 year old 'sister' who teaches 4th grade at her mother's school) had to go out to Köln with her oldest brother to pick out a tux for his wedding which is taking place in April. Since Köln is a huge town and one of the countries cultural centers, I decided to go along for the day. Sara and I went on the train (the first time I had been on a two story train..WOW!!! No, not really) and we found ourselves in the Köln main train station right outside of the Köln Cathedral, which also is only a few steps away from the longest shopping street in all of Deutschland. 

I have never really been into shopping but I was soon to discover that that was clear BS. I've never enjoyed shopping more than that day, nor bought so many things THAT I LIKED in such a short amount of time! I can never find anything in Montana that suits my strange hippie clothing ways, so I never shop. I didn't even go back to school shopping this year because I knew it wouldn't be worth it. Shopping in California even sucks for me most days. But here in Köln, I strolled to shop after shop and eventually I was in heaven. 

I strolled around the Köln Cathedral, having my breath slowly pulled away from me by the intricate beauty of the church. I stood under the stained glass windows admiring the colors, the pictures, the effort, the passion. Stood awestruck in front of the biggest organ I had ever seen. Thought with my dead back, eyes trying to find the high high ceiling, of how how the architects built churches ceilings and doors so huge in order to make the intruder realize that the power of God is bigger than they'll ever be. 

I only cried a little when I left the exquisite building to find a homeless fellow and his dog huddled together with a little sing reading 'Danke Gott'. 

At the end of the day I was walking around in new boots (carrying them was out of the question), with about 12 different bags trying with all their effort to pull my arm out of it's socket.

I met Sara at a Starbucks (I was then only beginning to realize how obsessed Germans are with Starbucks and McDonalds), and we ate a lovely dinner at Christopher's flat with his fiance Bekki. 

Some people say it's cause of all the Christian couples around me, but I've met SO many married and YOUNG couples! I think I've met about 4 under 30 that are married, and as they keep appearing I am getting semi-confused at all this young hitching. But who knows, perhaps it IS the Christian aspect of them all...

That night was also my very sad attempt to go clubbing. My excitement grew and grew as I sat in a nice house throwing down a few, while these boys around me sipped their mixed drinks, fixed their gelled hair, watching Germany's Superstar Search and staring at a full bottle of vodka. I was a bit confused as I slowly came to the affirmation that Livingston knows how to party better than the Germans. 

We skedaddled off to the club and I walked in with a boys arm draped around me, hoping they wouldn't card me, a little 17 year old with still one more year to go, if I was 'with' an older looking feller.

Fail.

My happy things instead of clubbing. ha ha ha...

They carded both of us and I waited with my new friends for Sara to drive around the block to pick me up.
The sad affair was concluded with me sitting in my lonely room with a lonely glass of wine and The Fountainhead. I sipped, read and danced on occasion by myself. If you know me, you'll know I was still in Heaven:)

"Yours is the first face that I saw. Think I was blind before I met you. Don't know where I am, don't know where I've been but I know where I want to go."

Brace yourself, Deutschland..

When I arrived in Frankfurt I was about 500 different kinds of confused. I thought I lost my iPod for about ten minutes and anyone who's been through this almost life shattering experience knows the feeling. I was shaken up about my iPod, couldn't find the train station, wanted a shower, told my mom I'd call her and couldn't find a p phone and I was so very MORE confused after the beautiful airport worker told me my bags were probably with the Superbowl still in Dallas. I almost felt ill. I eventually found the train, and baggless, I slept.

I live about 5 miles away from Bonn, in the Dorf of Königswinter.

                     

A little, highly energetic and smiling Korean man, Jimmy met me at the train station and we drove to the school where I first met Anka. As I was introduced to her that first day, my only thought was 'WOW I've never met anyone who looks more like a 1st grade teacher.' Her short hair curled in with bangs that lazily swept across her forehead. She sported a tailored little suit with a pink collar sticking through and a pink scarf tied in a bow right under her chin. And of course, on the edge of her nose perched glasses. I still get a kick out of seeing her everyday because she is just SO CUTE. Even more now that I know her. Now I know that sparkle in her eye is pure love and that the pink or blue scarf is always there because she's always cold! She met me with a long motherly hug and a huge smile. With that I already felt comfortable in her presence, which was a treat, since I had been searching for comfort ever since I left my home in Montana two weeks ago. 

little one*

In my jet lagged and confused state of mind, I met Sara and the rest of the school. I was assigned to watch over the 'trouble makers' and I sat next to this little one who refused to do her work. She had huge dark brown hair, but much bigger dark brown eyes. Something that slightly resembed pen was next to her nose, playing over rosey rosey cheeks. Her eyes caught my attention first and I just had to smile. Of course she pretended to write while Frau Cuhls was looking, but apart from that she glanced curiously up at me. I pointed at her paper in an attempt to tell her to work but she merely gained a silly half grin and continued to smile, straight up at me. At the end of the day without a word being said between us she took me by the hand, led me up to the English corner of the board and pointed at 'I'm very glad to meet you, have a nice day' and smiled expectantly up at me once more. As confused and still half asleep that I was, she pulled me out of it. I hugged her a goodbye and went to my new home with a smile quitely situated in the back of my head.

us.

Anke told me that the little one I had been watching over 'is a little German girl and she knows it. She laughs when she wants, works when she wants and basically does what she wants.' Only last week she ran out of the school building screaming 'ICH HASSE SCHULE!!!!' at the top of her lungs until the ex-pro soccer playing P.E. teacher caught up with her. For those who know me you'll understand why I fell in love with the 7 year old who runs out of school because she hates it. :)

*Title from The First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes  (the band. haha)

Tales of How One Ends Up In Deutschland

For those who don't know, I came to Germany because...well really because of a girl I once worked with named Kim.

I had adopted a nice habit of folding laundry at the end of my work day in basement of the Chico Hot Springs Resort with Kim. Because it was nice to have more hours, but more so because chatting with Kim was always a good time. Lately I had been thinking a lot about what I was to do this next year. I knew one thing that was absolutely going to happen and that was graduating early. But then what... At that point I was pretty set on going to MSU in the spring. Living at home, maybe still working a little, going to college and skating if I felt like it. Just to do something..to get my first semester of freshman year off my back.. I came at it with a real soft "well why not" approach.

Made my decision while gazing off into the Yellowstone. (Nah, this isn't fake. It's called Paradise Valley for a damn good reason).

This sunny afternoon Kim and I were jabbering on about how really all one should HAVE to do in the world is to make art. They should live with those whom they love...find their passion, make something out of it, and be happy. This should preferably take place in a forest, next to a river or maybe just on a beach... I'm still fascinated with those damn Italian beaches.. She told me that she got her GED in the middle of her Junior year in high school. That year she had tried to go to Park High and Bozeman High, but neither fit. Ever since then she's been bouncing around America, working and saving to travel to her next destination. At that moment she was saving saving because she wanted to go to Israel. I told her a lot about Israel, having been there merely half a year ago from then, and we were enthralled for awhile about each others traveling tales.. Then she went on a good little rant and said some of the things that I'd been trying to not think up in the last few weeks. "You don't HAVE to go to college.. you don't HAVE to do anything, you WANT to travel, so do it! Your free, what on earth kind of restrictions or responsibilities do you have right now? Fresh out of high school, no debt, no family to take care of, no job to do, no anything that MUST be done.. Do what you want." Hearing your own truths coming from a different voice is always a  little bit of  a shock. A shock met with a hug, in this situation.  On my way home I met this little shock with a few pages of written words, while sitting by the river. While mulling it over in my head, I took the second step and met the shock with a phone call.

The Larry Man and I in Disney Land:)

Larry Griffith.... How on EARTH does one begin to describe this cat... Let's start with the easy part. I know him because my dad was once his lawyer. Much before I was born, and since then he's been thouroughly integrated into our family. This man is the breathing and walking persona of 'jolly'. And once you get to know him, you'll quickly start to realize that he is also the breathing and walking persona of everything and anything that has ever been called 'the human spirit'. He's constantly battling sickness, has had cancer, has had some of the most gloomy events in his past, and in all reality probably has about 101 reasons to really hate life, while the 'normal', (goodness I hate that word) people of the world have about 20. This dude.. first got sick because his heart was getting to big. The most ironic thing that I have perhaps ever heard in my life. He is the epitimy of joy, the enthusiaster of will. He is the most egotistical and most lovable man I have ever met. He knows people..because he knows the core of the human spirit. He once told me that he picked his current church not because of the title, but because of the people in it. He leaves messages on voicemails with a shrill 'BE ENTIRELY GOOD TO YOURSELF' and wakes up everday, saying out loud, either to the first person he talks to or himself 'IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!' You can not help loving this goof. If you don't love him after spending 2 days with him... something is dreadfully wrong with you.

Ahso! I know this character.

He thinks teenagers learn best with real life experiences, so he has set up the Institute of Effective Communications and Leadership, and through that has taken or sent young adults on Adventures throughout America and Europe. I previously had been on a few around California with him, and last year we went to Israel together. And he tells me every time we talk about our friendship "You didn't come with me on any of these Adventures because I know your family. You came and will continue to come because I know who you are." He's a dude that gives me faith in the older generations of our society that we all, sometimes unfittingly so call, Grown ups.  

Back on subject, perhaps?
Larry took a group of kids around Germany a few years back. The first Adventure in Discovery was in 2006, the second was (don't quote me) in 2008. Maybe 2007. In those trips, Larry wanted a young tour guide to accompany the group. He found one such Ben David Cuhls. The crazy 20 year old accompanied the kids around, being the obnoxious local that he is, and ended up bringing a lot of fun to the table. Everyone that I've heard talk about him give me the impression that he is THE BEST part of Germany. Larry wanted to meet the family that grew such a charming and fun loving youngster. I don't know if he was expecting it or not but he ended up meeting one of his absoulte favorite families. Anke and Klaus Cuhls met in their younger years and spent a lot of their lives being missionaries around Europe, but mostly in Papa New Guine. When they settled down they ended up in Königswinter, Germany. They joined an International Christian Church, started a Christian Grade School and raised six children. Larry fell in love with the family. He loves his stories of playing cards with Grandmarie-Anke's mother in her 90s, walking to the local market to cook feasts with Klaus and the boys every night, befriending the Muslim toy store owner down the street and mostly just surrounding himself with a wonderfully inviting and loving family.

From Larry and my Adventure to Israel

A year or so after that one of the children, Sara, wanted to travel to America to get some teaching under her belt for her teaching certifications. Child is definitely the wrong word, she was 21 when Larry invited her to California and taught at a high school in Corona. She always says that that was one of her most enlightening experiences. Larry set the trip up for her, and as he usually does with youngesters, threw her around with a few different families. She loved every second of it.
AHSO! When I called Larry this summery eve, I simply said I want to travel. I don't wanna go to college right now. I want to get out out out of Livingston, Montana and the USA. Can you help? In about a month he had me set up staying in Königswinter, Germany with the Cuhls:) The guy is way too amazing.  

Coming back to school in the fall, I had to convince my principal and vice principle to let me graduate a semester early, since I had all of my requirements fulfilled it wasn't altogether TOO dificult... Trying to tell my favorite teacher, Quigley, that I'm actually out of school is much more difficult. The crazy kid still sends me shakespear, expects my journals once a month and emails me when he'll be sick for a day. I love it. 

So with a lot of planning, detailed calculation, working to save up, and school work to get my butt out of high school, I pushed through, graduated early and everything worked out perfectly.
And THAT is how one such seventeen year old ends up in Deutschland. 

Images of Bonn, Germany started floating around in my head right about now...

Thank you for giving a damn

The next few days were packed of preparations between Larry and I. 

GO HERE

The night before I left Larry and I went to the Kaiserhof  (go there, please) Resturant in San Diego. Since it was about my 3rd or 4th time there with Larry and I'm sure his 30th or 40th, we felt special enough to plead for our favorite waiter. Scott, as I have observed, over all these visits does the job right. Never interrupting a conversation, listening to every request of his guests, is very fast and is entertaing,  if one wishes for entertainment. If not then he will simply do his job with dignity. His Rolex, perched on his rist shows us he doesn't NEED to be waiting tables, he serves his guests the not merely waits tables. He serves them the best he possibly can and is always enjoying his job. He knows everything on the menu, can help with every little worry. He can be German, if you want, Californian if you want, American if you really please, but he enjoys his work. I really apprecieate Scott.

Three days later, narrowly excaping a huge European snow storm, I said goodbye to Larry and took my 2 suitcases off with me to the San Diego Airport. Saying goodbye to Larry at 5am was a sad sight. I could see the envy in his loving eyes and I could breathe the expectation lingering in the cold, fresh air. (And I still can 7 billion miles and an ocean away.) Saying goodbye to my dear friend and sometimes teaher, Quigley over facebook sitting quite alone in the San Diego airport was a very somber affair as well.. Enjoying the last few minutes I had of cell phone use, the goodbyes nearly broke me. 

I kid you not, A Rubber Room.

The 12 hour flight sucked. That's all to be said about that. Well except the movie I watched at some point.. 5 o'clock somewhere, I haven't a clue of the time over the atlantic, but it was called Waiting for Superman . A documentary on American public schools. It was more depressing than te sad goodbyes. Have you heard of 'rubber rooms'? Will you, whoever you might be, look them up? And be disgusted with me at the public schooling system that our country shoves down our throat?  That movie made me want to spit in the teachers unions fat face, tell every 'teacher' sitting in those rubber rooms that they are an embarrasement to the name teacher, to America, and to the damn human race. I would like to scream in their faces, "GET SOME DIGNITY, GET A BRAIN, IF YOU HAD EITHER YOU WOULD RIGHTLY BE CLEANING THE STREETS WITH THE LACK OF WORTH YOU HOLD..." Disgusting. Seriously, I woulve love to be a teacher because of this messed up schooling system. I feel like it's my duty as a free willed individual to ask teachers working for a paycheck, if they know the damage they are doing for their country, I would like to give the students a good enough education so they can be better individuals than the scumb working for paychecks, SITTING in a room for paychecks. 

So here you have my highly energetic and pissed off view of non-passionate teachers. A shout out here to Lawrence Quigley, Jim Walker, John Feckinan, Carol Powaliz, Kirsten Long and John Corona. THANK YOU FOR GIVING A DAMN!  

The Sunday School Attempt:

After checking in with me at the Murphy's Larry insisted that I stay another night because in his words 'we were having way too much fun!' So, on the following morning Cindy, Jay and I went to Larry's, then to his church in Hemmit. The plan was for me to give a Sunday school lesson to the youth group of various ages at the church. From the get go, the only idea I had thought acceptable in accordance with ME, not merely being in, but TEACHING a Sunday school class, was to pass out copies of Heinland's Stranger In A Strange Land and say to the group 'Thou art god'. I am a girl quite full of love and passion and while many very religious and spiritual people have gotten close to knowing me, I have not yet planted my feet into any specific religion. And perhaps most far from my feet is Christianity, if not Catholicism. In order to bring a long story short, I'll state that I think many church goers today go purely for extrinsic values, they do not passionately believe in their sect, and they go for reasons of guilt or public word. This I think is the result of organized religion. Many have forgotten the truth of love and have discredited their own spiritual connection to god, Jesus, Brother Ali, Mother Nature, whoever. And now see that they must pray every day at 8:52 PM, go to church ONLY on Saturday, never eat vegetables starting with the letter D or V and dress nicely and say nice compliments to others if only to improve their 'Christianity' or their rank in the waiting line to heaven.

Lovely beaches of California..

They forget that real spirituality, or lack of it, is truly the way you give the discredited, yet bright co-worker room to explore and think. It is in letting your dear friend or child tell you of their dreams and not WANT to force your own upon them. True spirit comes through when one stretches themselves to do what they want to make possible, it is when the believe in themselves. It is missing church in order to help a school, it is putting your mind heart and all will power into doing the thing you LOVE. Some people say this is 'using god's gift to you', some say it is believing in yourself, some say it's being selfish and some say it's Mother Theresa. I sat it is being passionate and using your passion the best that your ability allows it to. Because if one is truly doing something with their entire heart in it, they will be benefiting others. It's inevitable.

My beliefs are three fold. Love, passion, self. Believe in love with all your heart and do whatever it is you want in the true name of love. Because if it is for love, it is always pure. Acts of love are absolute.

Believe in passion for if one did not, one's life would be meaningless with no strive for improvement or knowledge. Do what you feel passionate about, but only do it with your entire heart. If you don't, it is a waste of others' time and mostly a waste of your life.

MOSTLY, believe in yourself. Know yourself, love thyself, search deep in yourself so you will find a spiritual connection to a force higher than your own. People find this connection in gospels, music, waterfalls, skyscrapers...Whatever force you find that you strive to know, find it through yourself. If you can't believe, love and have endless faith in yourself, then who else can you love, or even know?

I think many churches really DO say some of this at their core, yet so many people shy away from the array of blatant facts that I have stated. So with my planned lesson being what my imagination created, I felt the need to..no, not back down..you can never back down in deciding based on believes... so I stepped aside. I called Larry Saturday night and said that me preaching to a lot of eager children ready to be indoctrinated by my words of wisdom, or whoever else should have been standing there if not for me. I stand by my words of wisdom, yet I know they might evolve.. and I am in no mental or philosophical state to tell anyone how to think So I phoned Larry and blatantly backed out of Sunday School.

Bye bye home...

Sunday Morning, Larry gave a presentation of the difference in life of being a participatator and a spectator. We hauled a potato in a jar to show the youngens and thus we continued. Together, him doing most of the talking, myself doing the explaining and answering questions, we told the story of our adventure to Israel. About the fears and expectations of traveling, about the strength one must ALWAYS exert into any situation and grow to be a participator in life, not merely one who watches the skit of life waltzing, pretzling ans swaying right in front of their eyes.

We made a test as well, Larry had me teach the class a song and dance, one of a little ducky and ducklings in the water. The first verse is English and the second German. The song is accompanied by many embarrassing (for those who have still been able to live with the ability of becoming embarrassed..) moves, best of all the grand ending of every little ducky sticking their tooshes out in the water and continuing the joyous dance. the brave ones of the class were mostly under 7 or over 50. As it usually is in life.. I think I missed that gene. I find no fun in being embarrassed. So, I dropped that act quite sometime before this duck dance.

In our group there were the brave little ones who giggled when the big man in front of them said 'butt' and who laughed at this made-up-adult-word, participatator. Their eyes were bright. There was the middles ones, the pre-teens, pre-adults, pre-young adults, those searching for a lable..some place in the Sunday school room or world to fit. they sat back in a corner with their arms hugging their torsos like they were scared of a tractor trying to pry them apart.. I remember my time of life when this was normal. Sitting back, doing what little and big things I could do to possibly fit in. Buy the strange looking water bottle, wear the plastic and martian like shoes, cause goodness, why else? They were COOL!!! I cared for a good year about 'not caring' and hugging myself in the back of the room, trying with all my might not to look interested in anything an adult was telling me. I started this hideous act in the middle of my 5th grade year and dropped it entirely at the end of that year. It wasn't..fun. 

I didn't pity the inbetween age group who sat hugging themselves...But if I could say something to th em, if I could scream it in their faces I would love to shout 

----> BE WHOEVER YOU WANT

----> DO WHATEVER YOU LOVE

----> DON'T TRY TO BE COOL

please please please don't TRY to be anything at all.

They must stop hugging themselves... Nothing I can do to untangle the mess. Yet, I could stand up there in front of them and tell them that contrary to what's cool, I love this big old guy next to me and that I will pretend to be an awkward little duck and sing and I'll travel the world beacuse.. I CAN. And they can.. They're just got to let themselves. I hope some were listening.. Saddly, as just arriving out of high school, I have little faith in my age group.

After the Sunday school extravaganza, we watched a lovely Christian band play and it was wonderful. Music is the most tangable form of human spirit... that's why churches do embrace it.. Funny thing, though. It's not even tangable, is it? 

The Teacher that Gets the Trick

John Corona and I!!

Larry sent me to stay by the side of Mr. John Corona for three days. He swore Mr. Corona was a great teacher and had met him through a program of Corona's named King High Remembers. I've always been one to pay close attention to teachers, especially lately while considering the occupation. Before I got to talk to Mr. Corona, I sat staring around his room, looking at the signs that beamed down on me MEDIOCRACY IS NOT A GOAL and DO YOU THINK? 

Mr. Seifert and I

I readily started picking up some of his often used phrases, mostly because he amused me so much. He's the kind of teacher who is straight forward.. He tells you upfront that he doesn't OWE you anything and that you should care about your education. He showed me that he'll cuss in class, he'll pick on the kid who wants attention, but not the grade. 'Do I HAVE to take notes Mr. Corona??' While continuing to write the notes on the board he replies, 'You don't have to do anything but pay taxes and die.' His heart is in the job. When a student asked if they got paid to donate blood one day, I could tell his mood was towards the deep end the rest of the day. He was just sad. Here is a man who cares about humanity. I'm not sure what his hope for it looks like, but he wants to have hope... and he'll do all that he can to achieve it. 

He started this program, King High Remembers, as he regularly says  'by accident'. He assigned his US History class the assignment of interviewing a veteran. Over half came back saying that they couldn't find any to interview. Mr. Corona told me, "I'm pretty sure most of them thought they could just get out of the assignment by this little excuse. But not with me!!" So that first year he asked around the community if there were any veterans from mainly WWII or Vietnam that would be interested in being interviewed by his 10th graders. 60 showed up that year, and 120 kids. That first program there were many stories being told for the first time, many tears shed and many connections formed. Mr. Corona told me that after that first day, when he was cleaning the conference room in which it happened, he had a realization that this accident might have been the one event to truly define his career, but more so to shape his life. 

He's continued doing this for about seven years, and as words has traveled around, he has received numerous awards. The principal of King High once told him that this was the best thing he had ever seen in his career in education. I'm so in love with it because it's such a simple idea.. and the change that it can cause is enormous.. So many of the veterans, especially from Vietnam have been told so many times that nobody is proud of them and nobody wants to listen to them that they have finally started to believe it. Many of them think that nobody thinks they are heroes, they don't even think that they have a story to tell. "EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL. And if you ever served any amount of time for our country, you are a hero." Mr. Corona was always telling his students this. "If you ask them to be interviewed, chance is that they're gonna tell you they have nothing to offer. Tell them that's crap."

 

Sunny and Southern Love

Cindy Jay and I :)

While Cindy Jay and I went to Lagoona beach
I found this lovely little piano:)

While staying at the lovely and gracious home of Cindy & Jay Murphy, I had the pleasure of investing a few days time with the two of them as well as their son Dale and their daughter Sarah. With Cindy’s bright red hair and glowing smile she showed me the clash that one has to achieve between being a free and fun loving girl and a dedicated and loving mother. I am not sure if I've ever met such a mother that parents through straight forward logic. Dale, like most 10th graders, is in the stage of his life that is an awkward, growing and experimenting phase. Of course this comes hand in hand with trying as most high schoolers do, to date. She told me about a rough period of time between her and Dale. Every teenager goes through this sometimes with their parents.. Mine involved a whole lot of disrespect and longing for a freedom in which responsibility did not exists. A made up illusion of my years, of course ha, but many teenagers and parents have to go through this rather displeasing stage of their relationship. In the course of Dale and Cindy's, one night she ended a conversation by simply stating to Dale that he would not be able to date for a while, if he can't treat his mother right, there's no hope for any girl being treated right. I admire that logic to hell and back.

Speaking of girls and boys!...I experienced this cutesy awkwardness of teenage confusion at the dinner table my second night. Dale had invited his tall and goofy friend Nathan to join us. I chatted a storm away with Jay and Cindy, every time I talked or LOOKED at Dale and Nathan they got cherry red and giggled. You’d think they were fourth grade girls, first being introduced to the neighbor who grew handsome over the summer. God only knows why. If you thought that giggling, being silent and bright red was a typical GIRL thing, these two goobers could prove your wrong in a half a dinnertime. As dinner went on, Cindy let her thoughts and mouth loose (which is quite an admirable hobby of hers) by spilling the obviousness of poor Nathan being like the TV character Mauge, who simply could not talk to, nor in front of girls. That is until he got a few drinks in him, which enabled him to spill words like a pent up dog spills energy once let free. I never got to see this side of Nathan. But.. I’m sure as time and age comes over him he’ll learn…how to…speak?

Jay is a retired army officer and through his eyes I saw the life of one who was happy with where he had been and where he is now. He loves his entire family very much and the love I could see between Cindy and him was an adorable thing that most married couples these days can not achieve through out their entire marriage. This is extraordinary, simply because the love that one can see as a third party is merely.. joy. I could tell that Cindy and Jay weren’t JUST devoted to each other.. they were crazy about each other! And if you give an oath to spend the rest of your life with someone.. why on earth should it be anyone EXCEPT someone you are crazy for. A simple thing.. happiness is. Yeah, yeah, but your not married’. I can hear the voices that I’ve heard from countless adults in my ears already. All I have to say to people that think being happy with another is some difficult and impossible task which is set upon mankind and is harder to achieve than fighting the dragon that now lives up in the Draconfelds a street away from me… Get over yourselves. Stop thinking you are the exception in the world, that you, can NOT be happy with this person you’ve pledged to be with. Break it. Change it. All you married couples out there, who go to sleep every night and wake up every morning being agitated, stressed and exhausted, sick of arguing, sick of ‘putting up’ with whatever it is you feel is necessary to burden yourself with, you guy need to be happy. Everyone needs to be happy. So start doing it. It’s not that hard. Ask Cindy and Jay Murphy about it, they’ll tell you that being married, in love and happy really isn’t the worlds biggest challenge. It’s probably the worlds best feeling, but it sure as hell is not climbing Mount Everest.